Social media Depression-confidence stolen by social media
we're gonna go through one concept around confidence that can make a huge difference in your life in terms of just how you feel and it's about external versus internal validation so what I mean by external validation is when you're doing something in the hopes that someone else will basically validate you for all right that can be a compliment it can be being jealous or giving you a look or whatever it is but it's doing something to get a result from other people right and we all know and yes have probably been ourselves that person who puts on a certain outfit and it's just hoping for compliments right trying to bait people like oh these shoes are really comfy that I I just bought the other day huh anyone think anything of them right.
We've done that everyone does it but it's very unhealthy for our confident if you do it a lot the reason is that basically our confidence or self-image is formed in our unconscious right and our unconscious it kind of sounds weird here but bear with me our unconscious is basically paying attention to what our conscious mind is doing and what we're doing right so the way we act the way we talk what we do our unconscious mind is paying attention to and it forms our self-image with that and so if everything you do you're doing for other people what does that really say about yourself worth and how important you are I mean think about if you just knew someone and you knew that everything they did was for other people not for themselves but it was you know to make other people happy to make other people think they're handsome or beautiful or successful wouldn't you think that person is probably pretty insecure they're living their whole life for external validation well it's the same thing that we do to ourselves right if that's how you're living.
Then it's just going to create more and more insecurities so internal validation is when you basically do something to feelgood about it yourself right something it's like going for a run and Hey not posting it on Instagram or sitting down and just drawing some thing or doing something you enjoy just for yourself there's something I talk about in one of my books about tell a joke just for yourself and what I mean by that is we've all had this situation where you're in a group of people and you think of a joke that you know your best friend or your brother or sister would think is funny but they're not there and you know the people in this group probably won't get the joke but tell it anyhow tell it for your own amusement to say hey like this is funny for me and when you do that believe it or not you basically send a message to yourself-image that hey you care you're more important than other people essentially write what you think of yourself and what makes you happy is more important than what other people think because if you live according to what other people think you know that's a good battle you can never win right there's no end to that where you suddenly you're like okay.
I've got enough external validation I'm now satisfied confident happy right it's never gonna happen so when we again when we take actions based on our internal self validation it tends to continue to build our confidence that way no here's why this is a really big problem now a days it nowadays I sound like grandpa here nowadays but social media right social media is external validation at its peak right putting up a picture how many likes did I get how many comments did I get do people approve of me when I first started traveling I've been outside Canada now for four I don't know a while four years or so traveling and living in different countries and when I first started I kept an Instagram account I still have the Instagram account but I was quite active updating it primarily as the only way is a lazy guy that I could actually take photos and kind of keep them documented but I definitely had those feelings sometimes of kind of the brag photo right look where I am I'm on this beach I'm in this cool cafe whatever it is and the last couple of years I've really toned it in terms of posting because I felt for lack of a better word like a cheap whore I felt like if I was out for dinner with a friend that by taking a photo and using that moment to get validation elsewhere it was cheap me in the moment.
I was degrading that experience rather than it being about having a dinner with my friend it was about what will other people think will they be jealous will they think this is cool whatever it is and that's not a good head space to be in now if you're really deep in that head space you might not see it and that's one of the problems here but you want to do your very best to get out of that head space and so there's not necessarily a quick solution for it but what I would suggest to do is start small like catch yourself the next time you're doing something you know cool and you're thinking you have an impulse I want to post it I want to share this catch yourself and say you know what this one is just for me you don't have to start with all of them right you can start with this one thing one moment a day a week whatever but catch yourself and become aware of why are you doing things are you why are you sharing this is it to make your friend laugh or is it to make your friend jealous or validate you and just try to become aware of basically your motivations and the intentions behind things now I do understand that there's a bit of a chicken and egg thing going on here right when we're feeling insecure when we're not confident then that can sometimes pull us to seek external validation and so it's not necessarily always that the external validation causes us to be insecure but I do think it's a two-way street so if you take someone who's very confident and secure and had them spend a year doing their whole life basically everything they were doing for external validation.
I think that would drop their confidence and lower their self-image significantly and similarly I think if someone is fairly has low confidence let's say and doesn't necessarily feel the best about themselves taking these small steps to internally validate themselves and do things just for themselves not to get credit or make people jealous or likes or whatever that that wills lowly build up their confidence and give them a lot stronger base because their confidence will be based on themselves they can control not what you know the outside world says so hope you found this video helpful useful it's a concept that I thought about a lot because I've been through it myself right I've caught myself wanting to share moments I've caught myself in beautiful places as I've traveled thinking shit I should be bragging about this you know maybe not in those exact words but when I analyze it after that's essentially what I was thinking I don't want to put this on Facebook I want to show people whatever and I can tell you it's not good for your confidence yourself-esteem or just you know generally feeling good it also takes you out of that moment I mean that's a whole another video a whole other concept but when you're in a moment for what other people will think of it to document it that really takes you out of the moment and stops you from enjoying it and having something special so again if you've enjoyed this video do subscribe to the channel check out my other videos I try to cover lots of stuff around psychology personal development and entrepreneurship working for yourself.
We've done that everyone does it but it's very unhealthy for our confident if you do it a lot the reason is that basically our confidence or self-image is formed in our unconscious right and our unconscious it kind of sounds weird here but bear with me our unconscious is basically paying attention to what our conscious mind is doing and what we're doing right so the way we act the way we talk what we do our unconscious mind is paying attention to and it forms our self-image with that and so if everything you do you're doing for other people what does that really say about yourself worth and how important you are I mean think about if you just knew someone and you knew that everything they did was for other people not for themselves but it was you know to make other people happy to make other people think they're handsome or beautiful or successful wouldn't you think that person is probably pretty insecure they're living their whole life for external validation well it's the same thing that we do to ourselves right if that's how you're living.
Then it's just going to create more and more insecurities so internal validation is when you basically do something to feelgood about it yourself right something it's like going for a run and Hey not posting it on Instagram or sitting down and just drawing some thing or doing something you enjoy just for yourself there's something I talk about in one of my books about tell a joke just for yourself and what I mean by that is we've all had this situation where you're in a group of people and you think of a joke that you know your best friend or your brother or sister would think is funny but they're not there and you know the people in this group probably won't get the joke but tell it anyhow tell it for your own amusement to say hey like this is funny for me and when you do that believe it or not you basically send a message to yourself-image that hey you care you're more important than other people essentially write what you think of yourself and what makes you happy is more important than what other people think because if you live according to what other people think you know that's a good battle you can never win right there's no end to that where you suddenly you're like okay.
I've got enough external validation I'm now satisfied confident happy right it's never gonna happen so when we again when we take actions based on our internal self validation it tends to continue to build our confidence that way no here's why this is a really big problem now a days it nowadays I sound like grandpa here nowadays but social media right social media is external validation at its peak right putting up a picture how many likes did I get how many comments did I get do people approve of me when I first started traveling I've been outside Canada now for four I don't know a while four years or so traveling and living in different countries and when I first started I kept an Instagram account I still have the Instagram account but I was quite active updating it primarily as the only way is a lazy guy that I could actually take photos and kind of keep them documented but I definitely had those feelings sometimes of kind of the brag photo right look where I am I'm on this beach I'm in this cool cafe whatever it is and the last couple of years I've really toned it in terms of posting because I felt for lack of a better word like a cheap whore I felt like if I was out for dinner with a friend that by taking a photo and using that moment to get validation elsewhere it was cheap me in the moment.
I was degrading that experience rather than it being about having a dinner with my friend it was about what will other people think will they be jealous will they think this is cool whatever it is and that's not a good head space to be in now if you're really deep in that head space you might not see it and that's one of the problems here but you want to do your very best to get out of that head space and so there's not necessarily a quick solution for it but what I would suggest to do is start small like catch yourself the next time you're doing something you know cool and you're thinking you have an impulse I want to post it I want to share this catch yourself and say you know what this one is just for me you don't have to start with all of them right you can start with this one thing one moment a day a week whatever but catch yourself and become aware of why are you doing things are you why are you sharing this is it to make your friend laugh or is it to make your friend jealous or validate you and just try to become aware of basically your motivations and the intentions behind things now I do understand that there's a bit of a chicken and egg thing going on here right when we're feeling insecure when we're not confident then that can sometimes pull us to seek external validation and so it's not necessarily always that the external validation causes us to be insecure but I do think it's a two-way street so if you take someone who's very confident and secure and had them spend a year doing their whole life basically everything they were doing for external validation.
I think that would drop their confidence and lower their self-image significantly and similarly I think if someone is fairly has low confidence let's say and doesn't necessarily feel the best about themselves taking these small steps to internally validate themselves and do things just for themselves not to get credit or make people jealous or likes or whatever that that wills lowly build up their confidence and give them a lot stronger base because their confidence will be based on themselves they can control not what you know the outside world says so hope you found this video helpful useful it's a concept that I thought about a lot because I've been through it myself right I've caught myself wanting to share moments I've caught myself in beautiful places as I've traveled thinking shit I should be bragging about this you know maybe not in those exact words but when I analyze it after that's essentially what I was thinking I don't want to put this on Facebook I want to show people whatever and I can tell you it's not good for your confidence yourself-esteem or just you know generally feeling good it also takes you out of that moment I mean that's a whole another video a whole other concept but when you're in a moment for what other people will think of it to document it that really takes you out of the moment and stops you from enjoying it and having something special so again if you've enjoyed this video do subscribe to the channel check out my other videos I try to cover lots of stuff around psychology personal development and entrepreneurship working for yourself.
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